Well it’s time for me to eat some humble pie here on this website. So much has transpired in my mind since the last time I posted here. Let me catch you up a bit…
During the Christmas break and after Papa passed, I struggled again with this calling of homeschooling. I’ll save you the long boring details. Let’s just say that in the end the Lord showed me that this calling to homeschool is like a marriage. Sometimes we’re on the same page and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we get along and sometimes we fight. But He’s called me to be committed to this relationship no matter what.
With that said, when I try to squirm out of this calling and imagine how wonderful it would be to NOT homeschool, I’m being unfaithful to this marriage. It’s like flirting with another man. GULP! That truth really broke me. God’s word is so sharp and so personal that it hurts when He convicts you.
It reminds me of my sweet, bouncy daughter. Her favorite thing right now is to kick her own butt with her heels as she walks. So literally, every other step she’s alternating her heels into her backside. I can handle the commotion for awhile, but by evening time when we’re in the kitchen together and she’s bouncing around I have to say, “Darling, STOP! Please just keep your feet on the ground!”
Again, God teaches me most as I parent my children, for that’s what I hear Him saying to me. “Stop bouncing ideas around in that little imagination of yours. This is your life. You can be as creative and reformative as you like within these boundaries. This is what I have called you to right now.”
I think I know how my daughter feels. Ugh. Ok. I’ll be still now.
Now let’s talk about blogging –
I know the crickets have been chirping on this site, but the pages have been turning in my journal. A few weeks ago I had a blog post all edited, framed with a picture and queued up to post in the morning when God’s conviction stabbed me again. It was yet another image seared in my mind of trying to flag someone down to get their attention. Yet I felt I wasn’t supposed to get their attention…it wasn’t for the right reason.
After some prayer asking the Lord what this meant, I finally realized God was telling me that deep down I want to be noticed and heard. More specifically, I want my words and my blog to be noticed. I want to be thought of as wise and learned…And I need to stop.
He wants me to worship Him through my writing FIRST. Then as He leads, I pour them out for others to read as an offering to Him. But get those mixed up and all I’m doing is writing for a show and tell production.
Which leads me to the third issue I want to share: Being Thankful.
The other day, I saw my book lying on a table and was reminded of the struggle I wrote about and the lessons I learned dealing with those struggles. And it hit me… I don’t deserve this life I have. I don’t deserve a faithful, loving husband, and the ability to stay home and educate my kids from my kitchen table. I don’t deserve a warm house that’s almost paid for, a car that runs smoothly, a body that’s healthy, and enough clothes to adorn me every day for a month.
I don’t deserve the three computers we own and the ability to freely share my love of Jesus without someone threatening to throw me in jail. I have so much to be thankful for, if I will lose the attitude that things are due me and just worship Him and remember the waters He has parted in my life.
Thankfulness is being content where I am with what I have. It means, I know what it feels like to long for finer things. And I know the joy of having what I want. So whether we homeschool or public school, live in Mineola or in Kenya, drive a Honda minivan or a compact car, attend church here or there, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And it’s not by might nor by power but by His Spirit! He is all-sufficient! That’s His name!
Jesus warns us to count the cost before we follow Him. He warns that the sacrifice isn’t bulls and rams anymore. It’s everything. All of me and nothing held back. Nothing stuffed my pockets, nothing packed in the corner, nothing stored under my bed. And then He keeps going. He wants all of me not devoted to a church or a good cause or a non-profit ministry. He wants all of me devoted to Him. And Him alone.
He alone satisfies the deep, scorched, parched, broken and sinful places of my heart. Those places that want to be recognized, heard and acknowledged. Those places that itch for attention. He sees. He hears. He satisfies fully. Even when His calling asks me to do something I don’t want to or don’t always like or don’t feel like I’m good at doing.
So, I apologize for the chirping sound of the crickets, but in the silence, I’m learning to trust His name, to worship Him first and to offer my words here as a sacrifice of praise second.
Going a little further –
What has God called you to?
Are there boundaries He has firmly set in place, allowing you to freedom move around up to that guardrail? What might they look like?
Are there examples of freedom with boundaries in scripture?
Read Psalm 16 and Psalm 119:67-72
Record what you hear the Lord impressing on you.
On one hand I wish I had life together and everything figured out. A clean house with a place for everything and everything in its place. But then I think, what fun would that be? It’s in life’s messes I watch my Creator make a masterpiece. He takes my spilled paint, torn fabric and frayed strings of life and weaves in His Redemption and Love and makes it something beautiful. His creativity inspires me to be creative. So watch your step! And thanks for joining me on this messy, creative adventure of life.