Wait….Marriage Isn’t Supposed to Make Me Happy?

Recently, the Lord showed me a freeing revelation. One that I think is worth sharing. So here goes…

It started at Bible Study last week – the one I haven’t been to since November and was wondering if it was worth going to because I’ve missed so many weeks and chapters!

But I went… and may have listened to the last few minutes of the chapter on Audible as I drove.

Marriage happened to be the topic of the night. A topic I’m not currently struggling with and didn’t come with any deep message to share or heavy question to ask.

But the Lord had something to share with me. One of the stories in the book was about a couple who struggled in their marriage. The woman had filed for divorce. Before it was final, she received a letter from a widowed friend saying humble yourself. She decided to try it. The more she willingly humbled herself the more she grew to love her husband and saw him as a wonderful man. She actually enjoyed being his wife. Then, close to Christmas, he died.

I don’t know if it was sudden or expected but she was thankful for the restoration God had brought in her marriage! She had no regrets. (Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free pages 189-190)

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Making Time for Special Things

One of my goals this year is to do things that are special. And by special I mean those things that when I do them, time stops. I can’t tell if 5 minutes or 5 hours have gone by.

When I make these special things a priority, I feel an increased capacity to deal with the daily problems. Whether it’s figuring out how to diagram direct objects or explaining how to reduce fractions, somehow I have more to give than when I chased getting all the things done and pushed off doing my special thing until the work was done.

I often think of the verse in Hebrews that says, ”…He [Jesus] sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb 10:12) When Jesus finished his work, He sat down. I try to emulate that and not sit down till I’m finished. The problem is, I’m never finished. There are always more dishes to wash – or unload, more clothes to wash – or fold – or put away – or what’s that called – iron?! There’s always more I think I need to do.

Finding time to do special things feels like a reward I need to earn and so it gets pushed back to tomorrow, and tomorrow and next Wednesday, and when I can do a better job, be more organized, not have so much going on, when the kids aren’t toddlers, or teenagers, when I’m not tired, when I don’t have to wash my hair…

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Does Your Marriage Ever Feel Out of Balance? Here’s 1 Simple Way to Bring it Back into Rhythm

We were on our way to visit my parents in Arkansas. All five of us were loaded in the van, suitcases stacked high in the back, pillows on the floor, happy to finally be on the road. However, when we hit 60 mph the van started making a loud noise, followed by a more than usual vibration.

Adam silenced the conversation and had me place my foot at different spots on the floor board trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. It seemed to coordinate with the tire rotations.

About 30 minutes later the sound and noise was still there, so we looked up a tire shop in the area and pulled in. Hopefully our tires were just out of balance and we’d be back on the road in no time.

As we carefully pulled in the shop (Adam does that better than me!), the music was blaring Green Day, It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right. I hope you have the time of your life…

I’m walking down memory lane in my head and quietly mouthing the words to myself, when my son interrupts – Didn’t Tim Hawkins sing that song?

My reminiscent bubble popped as reality sank back in. “Probably,” I responded with a smile. “Let’s see!” I say as I take out my phone to ask trusty Google if Tim Hawkins remade the popular song.

A few minutes later, his theory was confirmed and we shook the car laughing so hard.

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Has Anyone Seen My Keys?

The other day we were late to leave the house and my husband could not find his truck keys. He knew he had seen them, even had them in his hand that very morning. We checked everywhere, every cabinet, drawer, basket, dirty pair of pants, his usual pocket….and…nothing!

After going back through all of those areas again, he decided to check his truck. One pull on the handle told him it was locked. Hoping he didn’t lock the keys in the truck, he cupped his hands to peer through the window at the ignition. No keys there.

Pondering what to do next, he instinctively stuck his hands in his pockets. That’s when he felt it. In his left pocket was a familiar metallic, key-shaped object pressing against his hand. Embarrassed, he pulled it out and yep, it was his truck key!

We are creatures of habit. Adam’s habit is to put his keys in his right pant pocket. When it wasn’t there, he panicked and didn’t know where they could be! He checked his right pocket a dozen times. But because he is such a strong creature of habit it didn’t dawn on him to simply check the other pocket.

I laughed at my husband’s lost keys but I so easily do this in my walk with Christ.

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The Rock that Wouldn’t Budge

While hiking side by side with my husband along a trail in Arkansas, the sight of this tree caused me to stop.

Do you see the rock in the middle of the tree? Do you see how the tree has grown around the rock?

I imagine that tree spent many days praying for God to remove that rock. “It’s in my way,” it whined. “I was here first!” It pleaded. “Please tell it to leave so I can grow.”

But God said No. He said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Taking the Lord’s answer, the tree decided to stop sulking and instead keep growing, despite the rock in its way. And now years later, this is the result: A firmly planted and mature tree with a rock in the center.

I have many rocks in my life – burdens I’ve prayed for God to remove. Financial stress, relational strain, homeschool woes, fears and shameful memories. Some of these He has removed – to the glory and praise of His Great Name!

But others, He has left.

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The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids

I knew there was something bugging my 7-year old son as soon as we got in the car.

“So how was it while we were gone?” I asked my two kids as they buckled themselves in.

“Great!” my daughter replied.

“OK” said Zach, and gazed out the window.

Mackenzie enthusiastically shared the details of movies, swimming and other fun things they did with grandparents and friends while Adam and I were away celebrating our 17th anniversary.

However, Zach remained quiet and shared only vague details.

By the next day a dark cloud settled over my little guy’s mind, darkening his usually cheerful mood and dampening the air of the house.

 

After dinner, he withdrew to his room while Mackenzie and I cleaned up the dishes. A few minutes later, our dish washing routine was interrupted with screams like someone had seen a ghost. Zach came running into the living room, flailing his arms and screaming.

While he was playing in his room, he heard something in his brother’s closet. Since his brother wasn’t home, he wondered what it could be. When he walked over to the door to look inside, the dog dashed out the closet, scaring him to death.

But what my momma eyes saw as his daddy pulled him close was a little boy haunted by fear. And not just of the dog making noises in the closet. There was something deeper. And I wanted to pull it out.

So I invited him to join me on our overstuffed bean bag chair in our newly remodeled room. It was our favorite place to relax and Zach curled his little body next to mine.

“I feel like there’s something bothering you that you need to talk about,” I said.

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No More Secrets Interview

I am beyond excited to announce that No More Secrets is now available in paperback! Yes, right HERE on Amazon you can purchase yours!

In honor of that I’m including some more information about the book, an interview with one of my blogging friends.

Last year I decided to join a blogging course where I met Leanne , a fellow clumsy blogger who, like me wanted to improve her skills. As we posted our blog posts on the Facebook group, I immediately connected to her style of writing and the topics she wrote on.

We have commented back and forth on each other’s blogs and so I asked her if she would read my book and offer feedback. She blew me away with her knowledge and heart to help me share this story. So, I’m honored to share with you her interview with me about this book. Here we go…

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When Satan Splashes in the Puddles of Our Past {No More Secrets Release}

My husband and I have this great relationship. He says profound, small sound bites that pack a punch and I write them down and later turn them into a blog post. The other day, he said something at the office he knew I would have taken notes on. When he got home he relayed it to me before he forgot. Here’s what he said –

“Satan wants to play in the puddles of our past and then blame us when we get wet.”

-Satan wants to play in the puddlesof our past and then blame us when we get wet.-

Isn’t that the truth?!

It’s like he runs beside us and spies a perfect puddle just ahead that would smear mud all over our face. He poises for the jump and does a cannon ball right in the middle of the puddle. Water and mud splash all over our face, and we remember the time, way back when, when that happened. That horrible, awful event that rocked us to the core. And just like that we’re back there.

We remember what it smelled like, what flavor ice cream we used to eat, the song that played on the radio, the feel of the leather seats in the car we drove. Just like that Satan splashes in the puddles of our past and we think we’re that person again.

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4 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Thriving Through the Holidays

Christmas cards line my window sill, familiar carols jingle from the radio, lights twinkle through the windows, darkened from the night sky, and hot chocolate spills on the couch as the kids cuddle close. It’s Christmas time! This season ushers in plenty of warm, cozy feelings, but also spreads a blanket of anxiety. We rush from church activity to school activity and store to store shopping for bargains at the biggest sale of the year. We search for the perfect gift for the perfect party. Pinterest floods our inbox with magnificent, museum quality, must-have decorations that leave us feeling less-than if we don’t download and make them right now. With all this pressure it’s easy to lose the holiday cheer. By the end of December, our relationships with those we love most feel the strain.

How do we navigate the holidays and keep our marriage thriving?

 

  1. Keep Family Margins 20150821_131052

When I was in school, I remember my English teacher stressing the importance of writing within the margins. She took points off the paper if I wrote beyond either red line. She said staying within the margins made the paper neater and easier to read.

Staying within the margin is important in life too. It can make life neater and easier to handle. Margins give us room to breathe. We can freely fill in the lines with enjoyable activities, but leave room in the margins to breathe.

Let’s face it: So many activities appeal to us during the holidays. We feel like we must do them all, but we can’t. We can pick a few favorites and do them joyfully, and then gracefully say no to the others and take some time to rest, relax and read a book. There’s no reason to rush so hard that it takes you till February to recover.

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6 Truths That Will Transform Your Marriage (Part 2)

If you joined me last week, I shared three out of six truths that have transformed our marriage and I hope the lessons we learned will benefit you as well. If you haven’t read the first part, you can do that HERE.

4. Keep a Manageable Schedule

There’s a hierarchy in marriage and if children ever become the object of worship in the family, then you can very quickly expect of symptoms of disintegration to happen in the marriage. A man and woman married first and have a priority over the kids. The kids will leave one day and it will be one on one with our spouse again.

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