Just a Runway for Words

A few nights ago, I had this crazy dream…

It began on a Sunday morning at church, the final worship song had escorted the crowd of people out of the sanctuary. Like everyone else, I made my way into the lobby to go pick up my kids and chat with friends. I remember I stopping in the lobby, lost in my own world, thinking about my struggles and how to apply the sermon I just heard. But finally I looked up and saw a couple next to me staring off into space. Their shoulders were stooped almost like they were looking for a lost ring on the ground, except they weren’t searching the floor. They were just staring blankly at the ground, not saying a word.

I turned to them and said, “Excuse me. May I ask what’s on your mind?” And the man stumbled out in reply, “I don’t know…I feel like what was spoken in there just now was good, but it held no power…I’m struggling and bound up with many sins and the speaker’s words didn’t share with me anything liberating. I’m still bound. I feel like the setting was just a runway for their words, as a way to show off their beauty and talent. But it held no power to set me free from what binds me.”

And they both hung their head even lower and walked out of the building.

Then I woke up.

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Surprise Package

Every once in a while my husband gets antsy. He comes home early from work…bored. He has that hazy look in his eye that says he’s thought are far away from here. We’ll be in conversation and  I have to clap or snap to get his attention.

In these times, we joke, either another baby is on the way, or another business.

Well, this time it happened to me.

Adam looked over at me and said “Talk to me! You look like you just gave birth!”

I can tell you, it felt like giving birth.

I’ve said for months I feel pregnant with ideas about a writing ministry. Over and over I’ve prayed, “Lord, if this is not from you, please take it. You have built me with passion and focus and I’m getting to the point where I either need to lay the whole thing down and walk away or I’ve got to do it!” The Lord has given me His approval, His vision and it is time.

I have given birth to…a writing child.

The 31 day writing challenge started the transition period, Allume sparked the pushing and this quiet time week has cut the cord to this baby. No longer is my writing a thing on the side, providing a way to help me process life. God has breathed His life into it and it has become a living, breathing, real, crying, needs my attention infant of a ministry He has birthed within me, as a result of using this outlet to process my crazy yet beautiful life.

Funny thing is, the other day I thought, I feel like I just had a baby. I’m emotional, crying all the time, sleep deprived, struggling with questions of what if I fail? What if I drop the baby?

My brain is foggy. I need people to talk slowly, give me a minute to process what they just said, because I’m easily overwhelmed. The kids start to get rowdy and I think “SHHH! Don’t wake the baby!”

I’ve even been nesting! Cleaned my house from top to bottom and side to side. My husband looked at me (before I wrote this) and said, “Uh-huh, you know what this means”.

Yes! We’re having a “baby”!

***

All the nesting was to create more space. This baby needs a room, and this mama needs room to be with the baby, away from the chaos of everyday life. The need to create that space both in my home and in my schedule drove me to move mountains of stuff out of my home. My kids thought I lost my mind!

This baby requires much of my little brain, and then there’s also my 3 other children and the school and the laundry and the dinner to prepare. How will it all work? How do I meet all these needs while dealing with the needs of an infant?

I haven’t forgot infants are high maintenance! The baby needs to be fed every 2 hours, held, rocked and put to sleep. It cries while I’m reading a book to my other two children and when I sit down to eat dinner.

I worry if it’s eating enough or if I burped it correctly.

When people aren’t talking about my baby I wonder what’s wrong.

Can you have colicky writing?

Yet, I hear the Lord reply –

When you had Zach, you didn’t love Caleb and Mackenzie any less. Yes, the first six months are hard, but you’ll get through it and develop your rhythm. All babies require time and attention and I’ve prepared you for this. It is change for your family that I will use for your good. You will need to say no to some things, protect your schedule and give yourself grace just as if you’ve had a baby. Your days will look different, and so will your nights. Babysitting is cheaper though, with this child. But you will need help. You cannot do this alone. You’ll encounter problems where you’ll need to ask around for answers. But in the end, growth will happen. What happened when Zach was born and Caleb and Mackenzie had to share your attention? They learned how to do things on their own. They figured it out. They grew. They will do it again. You will all grow.

Just like getting to know a new family member, I have to spend time with this new writing child so I can understand how it works better.

I don’t know fully what this child’s personality will be like yet, but I am excited and trusting God with the results!

Have you ever started a project that felt like giving birth? I’d love to hear about it –

And don’t forget to share these words with a friend if they encouraged you.

Faith-full Friends

Friends. We all need them. They come in all shapes and sizes, countries and regions. This writing business has challenged me to find friends over the waves of the internet. People I’ve never met have read my words and I’ve read theirs.

Today I have some friends I want you to meet. They’ve fed my soul over the last 11 days and I think they’ll feed yours as well.

The first friend isn’t a writer, but rather a musician. Lauren Daigle. Her song and album How Can It Be have spoke such words of truth to my heart time and time again. So the first order of business is here…

From there, I want to share some other 31 days writers that have encouraged me on my faith journey.

The first is Jen Daugherty. Just her web address alone (faithmustardseed.com) confirmed she was someone to follow. Jen is talking about Brave for this month of October. One of my favorites of hers is called At the Edge, where she describes a bungee jumping experience…

“When you’re standing at the edge, you can’t see the bungee. You can only see the leap.”

I hope you’ll visit her site, here’s the address again.

http://faithmustardseed.com/

Next on the list: Alisa Stoner. Alisa and I know each other in real life and not just via the internet! We share a common bond of homeschooling and also a love of writing. I’m so thankful to be sharing this 31 day challenge with her. I love her blog, Dreams Running. And for 31 days, that’s exactly what she’s talking about – dreams. Her post yesterday called, Living Your Dreams on the Way to the Promised Land especially resounded with me.

“We don’t feel like we’re living our dreams when we’re just being faithful with a normal day, but that’s the only way to our promised lands.  The only way to our promised land is by living each day in Him.  Doing what we know is right.  Living for His glory now–before it ever feels glorious.”

See what I mean? Yes, she is one to follow.

So right after I read Alisa’s post, I read a post by Katie Reid called Delays Construct Character and I couldn’t believe how much alike the two sounded. She said,

Sometimes God restores by taking us down a road that we weren’t expecting. Sometimes God renews our perspective by rerouting us. Detours and delays can be frustrating but they aren’t the same as dead-ends.” Which is what Alisa was getting to with “Living for His glory now- before it ever feels glorious.”

For 31 days, Katie is writing about Restoring our Soul. She calls herself a tightly wound woman and she’s trying to unravel that, which is why her blog title reads, “Finding Grace in the Unraveling.” As another tightly wound woman, and one who can visualize unraveling a string of yarn, Katie’s blog is one of my new favorites.

Finally I want to share with you a lady named Sarah Koontz. Sarah’s blog is titled, “Embrace the story God has Inscribed on Your Heart.” For October she has chosen to share quotes with awe-inspiring pictures to go with them. They are beautiful. But my favorite post that I want to share wasn’t actually part of the 31 day challenge. It’s called It’s Time to Stop Apologizing for Being You

She put to words what I do a lot…apologize for things that are, well, just ME! She greatly encouraged me with the words,It is so easy for me to see the beauty in others, but I struggle to find it within myself. Maybe you can relate? When I look inward, all I see are the things I don’t like. But recently, I found myself wondering…What if all of the things I dislike about myself are actually gifts from God to be used for His glory?”

Can you see how all this is feeding and watering my faith seed? God is working and speaking through you wonderful people! Thank you so much for pouring your heart and soul out and then pushing publish for all the world to read. It has meant a lot to me!

And Sarah, if you read this, here’s a picture of my little guy I think you’ll appreciate:

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Have you missed a post? I hope you’ll catch up! Simply click HERE.

I’ll see you tomorrow!

Results Matter but Don’t Define: Why I Write

Something hit me as I slept last night.

If I am blogging for fan mail and Facebook likes, or for Twitter retweets and Pinterest awards, I would’ve quit months ago.

I’ve stared at my stats page before, wondering why I spend the time to write and post, write and post. Do my words matter to others? Should I continue to hope for more followers, comments and future inspiring post material?

I watched a movie yesterday that had completely nothing to do with writing, but yet may go down in my history book as monumental. It was the story of gymnast Gabby Douglas.

Gabby came from a single parent, single income family. Her mom funneled all they had, and even some of what they didn’t have into providing her daughter the tools and time to pursue her dream of becoming an Olympic gymnast. At the age of 12, Gabby studied the athletes as they performed at the Olympics through the screen of her television.

As we watched the coach, she decidedly declared, “He will be my coach one day. I want to go to the Olympics.”

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God, What Do You Think About Green Hair?

Like my son’s green Mohawk? I love it. Unfortunately Zach didn’t care for it (he said he wished it was red, not green) and so we had to wash it out.

It’s funny to watch my grandfather cringe when he sees Zach’s hair. It’s the same with my husband’s beard and my oldest son’s longer-than-a-military-crew hair cut. It just goes against everything in him to see something out of the ordinary.

It’s funny how the little things people differ in can get to us.

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37 Reasons Why I Can’t Sleep

I need to stop thinking about blogging and actually get some sleep tonight. My body aches, my brain is fuzzy, and my eyes are bloodshot. It’s from deciphering all the Widgets and new WordPress lingo.

I tell myself I can do this, but then, I don’t know. I’ve never been popular or had the perfect word to say. What if I totally goof up and all this work is for not?

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