Every once in a while my husband gets antsy. He comes home early from work…bored. He has that hazy look in his eye that says he’s thought are far away from here. We’ll be in conversation and  I have to clap or snap to get his attention.

In these times, we joke, either another baby is on the way, or another business.

Well, this time it happened to me.

Adam looked over at me and said “Talk to me! You look like you just gave birth!”

I can tell you, it felt like giving birth.

I’ve said for months I feel pregnant with ideas about a writing ministry. Over and over I’ve prayed, “Lord, if this is not from you, please take it. You have built me with passion and focus and I’m getting to the point where I either need to lay the whole thing down and walk away or I’ve got to do it!” The Lord has given me His approval, His vision and it is time.

I have given birth to…a writing child.

The 31 day writing challenge started the transition period, Allume sparked the pushing and this quiet time week has cut the cord to this baby. No longer is my writing a thing on the side, providing a way to help me process life. God has breathed His life into it and it has become a living, breathing, real, crying, needs my attention infant of a ministry He has birthed within me, as a result of using this outlet to process my crazy yet beautiful life.

Funny thing is, the other day I thought, I feel like I just had a baby. I’m emotional, crying all the time, sleep deprived, struggling with questions of what if I fail? What if I drop the baby?

My brain is foggy. I need people to talk slowly, give me a minute to process what they just said, because I’m easily overwhelmed. The kids start to get rowdy and I think “SHHH! Don’t wake the baby!”

I’ve even been nesting! Cleaned my house from top to bottom and side to side. My husband looked at me (before I wrote this) and said, “Uh-huh, you know what this means”.

Yes! We’re having a “baby”!

***

All the nesting was to create more space. This baby needs a room, and this mama needs room to be with the baby, away from the chaos of everyday life. The need to create that space both in my home and in my schedule drove me to move mountains of stuff out of my home. My kids thought I lost my mind!

This baby requires much of my little brain, and then there’s also my 3 other children and the school and the laundry and the dinner to prepare. How will it all work? How do I meet all these needs while dealing with the needs of an infant?

I haven’t forgot infants are high maintenance! The baby needs to be fed every 2 hours, held, rocked and put to sleep. It cries while I’m reading a book to my other two children and when I sit down to eat dinner.

I worry if it’s eating enough or if I burped it correctly.

When people aren’t talking about my baby I wonder what’s wrong.

Can you have colicky writing?

Yet, I hear the Lord reply –

When you had Zach, you didn’t love Caleb and Mackenzie any less. Yes, the first six months are hard, but you’ll get through it and develop your rhythm. All babies require time and attention and I’ve prepared you for this. It is change for your family that I will use for your good. You will need to say no to some things, protect your schedule and give yourself grace just as if you’ve had a baby. Your days will look different, and so will your nights. Babysitting is cheaper though, with this child. But you will need help. You cannot do this alone. You’ll encounter problems where you’ll need to ask around for answers. But in the end, growth will happen. What happened when Zach was born and Caleb and Mackenzie had to share your attention? They learned how to do things on their own. They figured it out. They grew. They will do it again. You will all grow.

Just like getting to know a new family member, I have to spend time with this new writing child so I can understand how it works better.

I don’t know fully what this child’s personality will be like yet, but I am excited and trusting God with the results!

Have you ever started a project that felt like giving birth? I’d love to hear about it –

And don’t forget to share these words with a friend if they encouraged you.

Something hit me as I slept last night.

If I am blogging for fan mail and Facebook likes, or for Twitter retweets and Pinterest awards, I would’ve quit months ago.

I’ve stared at my stats page before, wondering why I spend the time to write and post, write and post. Do my words matter to others? Should I continue to hope for more followers, comments and future inspiring post material?

I watched a movie yesterday that had completely nothing to do with writing, but yet may go down in my history book as monumental. It was the story of gymnast Gabby Douglas.

Gabby came from a single parent, single income family. Her mom funneled all they had, and even some of what they didn’t have into providing her daughter the tools and time to pursue her dream of becoming an Olympic gymnast. At the age of 12, Gabby studied the athletes as they performed at the Olympics through the screen of her television.

As we watched the coach, she decidedly declared, “He will be my coach one day. I want to go to the Olympics.”

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I need to stop thinking about blogging and actually get some sleep tonight. My body aches, my brain is fuzzy, and my eyes are bloodshot. It’s from deciphering all the Widgets and new WordPress lingo.

I tell myself I can do this, but then, I don’t know. I’ve never been popular or had the perfect word to say. What if I totally goof up and all this work is for not?

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