What I Learned Through My Parent’s Divorce

Last Friday I wrote a post called What Happens When We Meet in the Middle.

I like it. But I started thinking about all the marriages around me that are either entering divorce court or their divorce is already official. When you’re in that position, how do you swallow words about meeting in the middle? What happens when meeting in the middle hasn’t worked?

And you’ve tried…again and again.

It’s like the couple desperate for the pregnancy test to say positive, but hears their best friend has the news instead. It hurts. Doesn’t mean you’re not happy for them. Doesn’t mean their joy isn’t justified. Just doesn’t help you and your desperate situation.

So, to those individuals, this one’s for you.

I see you. I see the struggle, the heartache, the pain. I feel it. I’ve stay awake during the night praying for you. I know, I don’t feel it the way you do – the piercing pain of a jagged knife blade plunged right through the stomach. It must have missed puncturing all the vital organs because you’re still breathing – you think. Your body feels numb, your brain fuzzy, your heart rate elevated, but still pumping, somehow.

Just when the pain subsides, someone grabs the knife handle and gives it a firm 180 degree rotation. It starts all over again. You can’t eat, can’t sleep. Your emotions go from mad to sad – punching a fist through the wall to disappearing beneath a pool of tears. You think this will never end and God is finished with you.

Not only do I see you. God sees you. He knows exactly where you are. He is with you, even when you don’t feel Him. One day, several years from now you’ll look back and trace His fingerprints all along the way. You might need latex gloves and a microscope, but they’ll be there. How do I know?

My family has been hit by the flaming arrow of divorce too. Its sting has been felt. My mom walked that road with an infant in her arms. Me.

She had to look into the eyes of a child who looked to her for answers when she felt she had none to give. To this babe who looked to her for food, clothing, protection, knowledge, understanding, she herself looked upward for the same answers.

The dock she thought was a steady, solid foundation had crumbled and she was left trying to swim to shore with a child in tow.

Thirty years later, she and I can look back and see God’s fingerprint in that murky water. The flood should have swept them away, but somehow it didn’t.


To the children whose parents have divorced, I want to say this:

I wouldn’t be the person I am today without walking this road. And neither will you. I pray God makes you a stronger person because of it.

I remember growing up thinking every girl in school had two Daddies – one she lived with and one she visited every other weekend. I remember talking with my mom, asking her why so-n-so only had one. I thought I was lucky to have two dads that cared for me! That was Jesus. Somehow He showed me the good in this situation that my mom wished I didn’t have to experience.

I pray that for you. God will protect you in ways you wouldn’t have needed His protection otherwise.

Here is a fact: Our earthly parents will fail us. No matter if Mom and Dad divorce or not, our earthly parents will fail in some aspect. They are human. God never will. He will never give up on you, He will never split, never stop loving you. He will never disown you. Never.

I pray you see that more clearly than you would have otherwise. I pray you trust Him above any earthly figure. I pray you see your worth in His eyes.

To the adults parting ways, I want to say this:

God isn’t through with you yet. Right now you face a raging storm too powerful to walk through, too wide to walk around, too tall to climb over. But God isn’t finished with you yet.

Redemption isn’t for those who walk through still, peaceful streams. Redemption means there’s something that needs to be redeemed. He will.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase God hates divorce. You may think it’s the unpardonable sin for a Christian. I can’t say God doesn’t hate divorce. Don’t you? Don’t you hate this? But God loves you. He sees you. He still waits for you to walk with Him.

He hasn’t left you stranded in the middle of the ocean with no rescue plan. Fight to find Him. My mom did.

I don’t remember seeing my mom’s pain. I remember her strength. Because of that inner strength at the young age of 3, I asked her how I could have her Jesus in my heart. Because of this heart wrenching situation, I found Jesus. Your kids can see Him too. Show them Jesus. He is the only Person who will never fail them. Tell them He is their kinsmen Redeemer as in the story of Ruth. When there’s no one to be their Daddy or Momma, He is.

So I don’t take back the words I wrote on Friday. But now you know, what divorce has taught me.

(Image Credit: Flickr)

2 thoughts on “What I Learned Through My Parent’s Divorce

  1. Sheilla Smith says:

    Wow! You have such a gift with words, Julie. This brought tears to my eyes thinking about the pain of my own divorce and how God used that to bring me to him. Also thinking of my sister’s kids when she got divorced. I will share it with my sister, since she is struggling now and could probably use these words of encouragement.

    Thank you! Sheilla

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

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