Only eight hours after arriving in South Carolina, I found myself nestled in a semi circle of brand new friends. As we sat in the booth and shared stories of who we are, where we came from and how God orchestrated our being at this Allume conference for the first time, our hearts truly connected.
Not only did I meet some fantastic new writer friends, I also picked up about thirty books to accompany me back home. One of those books was Curious Faith, written by the leader of Allume, Logan Wolfram.
About a month later, when life returned to the valley after the mountain top experience of this conference, I cracked open this beautiful book.
Logan had me at the first page when she said, “It’s not blinking….the heart isn’t blinking….There was no flutter of a heartbeat on the screen in front of me. Only stillness.”
The baby she hoped to one day hold, had gone to the arms of Jesus.
Even though I haven’t personally gone through a miscarriage, her writing style strongly connected with me as a reader.
Life doesn’t allow me to start a book and finish it that week, so after reading that first chapter, I was hooked, yet it took a few days before I could resume the story.
A few weeks later, life changed suddenly and drastically for me. An ambulance took Papa to the hospital and I found myself with extra time as I stayed with him during the day and even a few nights. To give me some company, I brought along this book.
I came upon a chapter called, When You Carry Heavy Things. That was just what I felt as I sat in the hospital room waiting to see what would happen to my Papa.
In that chapter, Logan wrote: “Sometimes life just gets really heavy. Sometimes you’re taking meals and caring for your friend’s kids and she’s 40, has a husband, three little ones, and is dying of cancer. You’ve prayed for years, but she still dies.”
We all have to carry heavy things at times. It’s in those times, Logan encouraged me not to lose my curiosity. She prodded me to keep wondering. Keep believing. Keep walking.
When Papa went into the hospital, it was evident our family had to make a scheduling adjustment. I just couldn’t do it all and we had to be flexible. I decided the thing to go was our homeschool co-op.
In my heart, I believed this decision was best for us, but outwardly, I was a little wobbly standing on that conviction. I knew the kids would join me in being heart-broken over not learning weekly with our friends.
So as I sat with Papa, I do what I always do -continually roll it all around in my head: How I will tell the kids? Is this really the best thing to cut? Could I just grin-and-bear-it as they say?
As I read one night in the squeaky, hard leather chair in Papa’s hospital room, the story Logan shared reached out from the page and comforted my heart.
In 2015, Logan felt the Lord leading her to take a break from hosting the Allume writers conference. She felt her family needed her and she needed to take this year off.
However, she says, “people who truly loved me whispered into my ear saying that I was making the wrong decision.” So she agreed to host another conference.
Within weeks of signing the contract, she began to feel overwhelmed. She says the afternoons she intended to spend with her family turned out being spent in her office, while a babysitter played Legos and water balloons with her kids. A few months later, when a house renovation project turned into moving altogether, she was totally falling apart.
It was at that moment she cried out “THIS COULD NOT BE YOUR BEST, LORD!!!”
God had seen all that lay before her and nudged her to wait on the conference, but she didn’t follow that prompting. As a result of that stress she said she wrote much of this book covered in a rash.
“God knows my capacity. God knows just how much I can take without falling apart, crying in my closet every day. Had I listened, had I followed more closely, had I not settled for anything other than what I knew He had for me, I wouldn’t have written this book covered in a rash.
Just because something is good, just because it is life-giving to others, or even if it’s a wonderful ministry, it doesn’t mean that’s the BEST thing God has for YOU. And, when we walk outside God’s best, even good can actually end up feeling like settling.”
~ Curious Faith
What blew my mind was that THIS is the writers conference that nourished my dry, thirsty soul. THIS conference, that almost didn’t happen and even though it did, stressed this precious lady out enough to write her book covered in a rash.
The good news is, God, in his Sovereignty, still works through us even when it’s not His best.
That chapter gave me the confidence I needed to stand firm on the prompting I believed God had given me to pull back from our activities.
How curious is your faith?
I invite you grab a copy of Logan’s book, which launches today, and rediscover hope in the God of possibility.
Thank you Logan for your vulnerability through out this book. I pray the Lord blesses you and uses this to meet people right where they are and pursue a curious faith!