Recently we had an unexpected change of plans.
And they were BIG plans to me. I’d call them anchor plans of the day, what we planned other things around.
Then, 20 minutes before the expected start time, someone called and cancelled due to events totally out of their control.
And I can’t lie… I was bummed. Frustrated. Even a touch mad.
My thoughts sounded like, Are you serious? Do they know we planned our whole day around this?! Don’t they care? I wish I known this yesterday!
It was all about me!
In reality this other party was probably feeling the same. Their plans had also been interrupted. And they were torn with how to handle it. But I didn’t look at it from that angle.
I tried to sound understanding on the phone and say it was OK and we’d happily reschedule! But I also tried to leave one note of my true feelings in my voice, hoping they get the drift I wasn’t real happy about it.
So the next morning I woke up and read the devotional I read every day – My Utmost for His Highest, and Ozzie (after 5 years we’re on a nickname basis) starts talking about “giving up my right to myself, my natural independence and assertiveness…that this is where the battle of the natural vs the spiritual is fought.”
My mind went directly to my response the day before and mentally I started justifying my reactions. But after reading the whole thing, my heart was pricked and I was sorry.
Life does not exist to serve me and my plans. I am here to serve others. And when something changes for them which causes it to change for me, it’s OK. I’m here to serve how they need, not the reverse.
This is exactly where the battle of “independence and giving up my right to myself” begins.
In the moment, I want so passionately to pick up the reins of control and say “Listen here! Don’t you realize?! I carefully planned all this out!”
But I must drop the reins and walk away. They aren’t mine to carry out. Just be available.
If I have plans that if they don’t happen, shatter my whole day, I was probably holding on too tightly to them in the first place!
It seems silly writing about this, but laying down my plans and letting God have His way in small areas like this is what it means for me to crucify my flesh, pick up my cross and carry it. Daily!
Picking up my cross takes two hands. My two hands are usually full of something – laundry, dinner ingredients, a steering wheel, or calendar and pen – so first I need to drop what I’m carrying and then embrace God’s plans.
So that’s what I’m doing this morning!