Dear Meme, What I Wish I could Tell You

 Today marks two years since we lost you. I still miss you –

I miss you when I take my first bite of chicken spaghetti,

And when I smell broccoli cheese soup simmering on the stove.

I miss you at Thanksgiving when someone else is sitting next to my Papa.

It’s not right for you to not be hovering over my shoulder offering me another roll.

Vanilla extract doesn’t smell the same without you,

Brownies and ice cream are missing something.

I miss your hand on my shoulder,

Your words in my ear saying, “You are such a wonderful mom!”

Meme, I miss walking into your house, seeing your beautiful face – your silver hair and sparkling eyes and the feel of your strong arms around me.

I know, I keep carrying on – I have to.

Most days I keep this door shut. I just stand and stare at it, and allow my tears to fill the bucket beside it.

But today, I’m opening the door. I will allow God’s fresh breeze of healing to wash over my broken soul.

Thank you, Jesus, for her life. Thank you that she was my Grandmommie.

Now, instead of your physical presence, I can imagine you smiling beside me as I stir your recipe of broccoli cheese soup.

I can imagine your warm words whispered on my face, “You’re such a good mom,” when I’m at my wits end.

I can imagine your strong embrace when I feel alone and no one’s on my side.

I can acknowledge your seat at my dinner table and remember how you never sat down.

And I can long for the day when I will see you again…I know you’ll be waiting for me. It’ll be as if we were never separated when I see you again, and we never will be separated again.

For now, I know you are cheering me on as I seek to run the race before me. I hear your words, “Never stop writing.” You and Aunt Cindy both told me that, and I remember them every day.

When I sit down to sew, I remember your black antique machine you would sit down at and create a masterpiece. The memories of you flood me everywhere I go and they are so precious to me. I loved and still love you so much.

Meme, I’ll See you in a little while! 

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