“But Mom, Loren has her fingernails done!”
“I know honey! I’m glad. I bet she loves them!”
Have you ever had that conversation with your child? I have. It was in that moment, I also realized I’d had a similar conversation, except I was the little girl, and I was talking to my Heavenly Father.
Why does the Lord have to convict me when I’m talking to my children? I mean, I have a very good point I’m trying to make with them, and He always has to bring it back around to my relationship with Him.
“Lord, I see so-in-so gets to do all the fun things! They got a new car…remodeled their house…had a relaxing family vacation”
“That’s great my love. I’m glad. I bet they’re enjoying those things. That’s not what I’ve called you to though, Julie.”
God has asked me to write. I have put it off long enough. The good, the bad, ugly, hard, goofy even, He’s asked me to write it and trust Him with the results.
So, I sit here at my computer and ask Him to proclaim His truth through my trembling fingers.
You see, I’m scared of the Internet. It’s loud, ugly, time-consuming and often-times flat out leaves me feeling empty and dejected. I find so much out there I wish I was, wish I had or wish I hadn’t had. Something like that. I’m scared of people hacking into my account, seeing what I stand for and hanging me for it. I’m scared I’ll cross over the line and never be able to fix it. If you couldn’t tell, I’m scared.
I’m also a recovering Fear of Man addict. I tried to put on a tough outer coating, but underneath the “I don’t need anybody” talk was a girl hoping for your approval. God saw that, and last year took the liberty of shattering that stained glass window.
I guess I had a choice in the matter, but this verse sums it up:
Luke 20:18 “Everyone who falls on that stone [the capstone] will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls with be crushed.”
That was what God told me last year. I could purposely fall on the sharp edge of Jesus’ words and let them break me, with the promise to make me whole again, or I could walk away and it would crush me.
I chose the first one. But it’s still hard for me to write what I hear God whisper to write about despite who might or might not be reading. It’s hard.
I’m also a recovering Fear in general addict. What-ifs are all around us. Jesus tells me (and you!) that His perfect loves drives out our fears. Fear has to do with punishment. He took that punishment for me. I can now walk in freedom. What can man do to me? They can hurt my flesh, but they can’t steal my future.
So to say I commit to write what I hear God whisper in my heart despite who reads or who doesn’t, flies right in the face of two FEARS that once enslaved me. It will be a challenge, and I’m up for it!
In these pages is Life In My Own Words. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the refreshing, the honest, the true, the unbelievable journey God has me on.
I can’t wait
I’m glad you’re here to enjoy it with me!
Nope, I may not get my fingernails done like my friend down the road, but God has good plans for me none-the-less. I didn’t know being a mom would be so convicting!