“If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the leisureliness which ought to characterize the children of God.” Oswald Chambers, Utmost for His Highest Aug 5
Somehow last week I started charting my own course, trying again to control my destination. I think it started by cramming way too many writing assignments into a space already jam packed with house remodel projects, laundry, time with friends, and keeping all my thoughts and priorities in correct alignment in my head.
Plus, I dropped off my daughter to an overnight church camp for the first time! Pre-teen camp. Since when did she turn into a pre-teenager? And where did she get this bravery to spend 4 days at a camp without knowing anyone else there very well?
Saturday is when I heard the words that inspired this post. Saturday, the day Adam and I took off for Dallas to celebrate our 16th anniversary as Mr. and Mrs. Adam Steck. A day I’m very proud of. Adam and I sat at Cheesecake Factory, after we witnessed Mission Impossible’s latest feat, feasted at Babe’s Chicken and walked in flip flops hand-in-hand partly around my old stomping grounds of White Rock Lake.
By this time, we were weary of Dallas traffic, crowds and being out in general. We immensely enjoyed the alone time together, but were ready to be heading home. We finally agreed to split an appetizer, a hamburger and top off our date with a chocolate mousse cheesecake. The waitress came and took our order while we waited and people watched. Our appetizer came first, of course and after we cleared the plate I started grumbling that we should’ve just ordered 2 appetizers and foregone the hamburger. “It would’ve been cheaper and faster,” I conclude.
Adam replied, “I am completely satisfied – with my meal too.”
His response made me smile, loving how he threw that compliment in completely free and unprompted. Those words stayed in my head on the way home. “I am completely satisfied.” That’s a beautiful thing. To be completely satisfied means I’m not looking at the menu wishing I’d ordered something else. Even if it could have been cheaper and faster, I’m satisfied with what I have. Satisfaction with what we have doesn’t come naturally. True contentment is born of the Spirit.
“Am I completely satisfied? Satisfied with all of life right now, or do I wish I had ordered something different” I asked myself. I thought I was. Sixteen years of marriage to my favorite person on Earth. Yes, I love my life, wouldn’t change it. So why this prick in my conscious?
In the truck, I prayed silently, “Lord, if you’re asking me this, you know all things, you know I am satisfied. But please, show me any area I’m searching to be satisfied with something other than You that I may turn from it.”
Sunday morning it got more personal – It was the last statement from the sermon that hit me. I don’t even think the Pastor said these words, but I had to write down this question while the rest of the congregation joined the Pastor in prayer.
“Julie, are you fully satisfied in ME?”
Yes, Lord, You know that I am. Totally satisfied.
I felt like I was in the scene of Jesus and Peter. After Peter fulfilled Jesus’ prophecy that he would deny Christ 3 times before the rooster crowed, Peter found himself face to face with the one he denied. Once the disciples carried in the 153 fish they caught after taking Jesus’ advice and casting their nets on the right side of the boat, Jesus cooked them breakfast. When they had finished eating, Jesus turned and asked Peter, “Peter, do you love me more than these?”
Peter replied, “Yes, Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you!”
That’s what I was saying. “Yes Lord, you know all things, you know I love you and am satisfied in You.”
Or am I?
Or am I completely satisfied when I’ve completed my to-do list?
- When I’ve been a “good mom”
- When we finish the re-model
- When I do a good job
- When I post 3 blog posts a week
- When I jog 3 times a week
Am I satisfied when things go slow according to my schedule but I hear You say, “Wait here a minute”?
When days are busy am I satisfied with Your voice or do I seek to hear praise from the voices around me?
Am I completely satisfied in You plus my things? Or am I just satisfied in You? Honestly, is that possible? How do I do that?
Lying in bed Sunday night, I remembered a Psalm I’d underlined that I wanted to pray and cover my mind as I slept. It was Psalm17:14b-15″
“You still the hunger of those you cherish;
Their sons have plenty,
And they store up wealth for their children,
And I – in righteousness will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied
with seeing your likeness.”
Satisfied with seeing your likeness. That is my prayer. That all the holes in my soul would be satisfied in His likeness. His goodness will quench my thirst. His love will make me whole. His patience will surround me. His gentleness will draw me near to Him. His Peace will calm me. His joy will be my strength.
My prayer for you, friends who are reading my journey of being completely satisfied with Him, is this Psalm:
“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days!” (Psalm 90:14)
We have been redeemed! We should be glad all our days and I pray they are marked with pure satisfaction in Him. May we be about His purposes, and not our own.