It was a beautiful, warm, summer day. A pile of dirty dishes stared back at me from the kitchen sink. A melody played on the radio nearby. I turned it off. I was tired of songs, yet tired of silence too. Tired of thinking…and praying, honestly, for my prayers were not being answered the way I wanted.
Instead of spiraling in my emotions, I called a friend. My closest one. The one I can not talk to for 6 months, then pick up the phone and pick right back up where we left off. Thankfully, she picked up. Fighting back tears, I shared my story with her. I shared the struggle going on inside of me. She said, “Ya know, it’s funny, this conversation reminds me of the book I’m reading this summer called Anything .”
“It’s about when you tell God you would do anything, yet you don’t know what that anything is.”
I got off the phone, a bit relieved at the pressure that subsided inside my head. She always has a way of doing that. To rid all the pressure, though before it mounted again, I headed for my bedroom. I grabbed my favorite pen and my journal, shut the door and unloaded onto the blank lined page. This is what it sounded like…
I figured it out. What’s been nagging at my spirit. Why my heart rate is higher than normal, my brain can’t concentrate but yet I’m having trouble sleeping at night.
No, I’m not pregnant. I’m waiting.
I’m waiting on God to show me what’s next. I told Him I would do anything for Him. For two years we planned a trip to Kenya, wondering if God had plans for us to move there and serve Him full-time. Which as I write that statement, I want to erase the last part. I serve Him full-time here in America. You know what I mean.
I’ve written about it before. You would think moving to a foreign country would be the ultimate act of faith. But He told my husband and I that our Anything is in East Texas.
Why is it harder for me to come home and face the cross roads we left undecided than pick up and move away? Why does that require more faith of me?
I wake up in the morning not knowing what I’m supposed to do. It’s like I’m in a strange house and keep bumping into the doors and walls trying to find the bathroom. Yet it’s my house. I know where the bathroom is.
I’m not disappointed that we’re not called to move to Kenya. I’m so thankful to be home. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do now.
But it makes since why Psalms 37 & 46 were the only thing I heard ringing in my mind as I lay in bed at night praying for sleep to overtake me. Not wanting to get out of bed to look them up, I willed myself to sleep and looked them up first thing the next morning. You know what verse they both have in common?
Psalm 37:7 says it like this:
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”
Psalm 46 says it like this:
“Be still and know I am God.”
“Why do you always have to tell me to be still, Lord?” I ask.
Probably because I like to move. I like to do.
At the lake the other day, the kids and I saw an eagle overhead. The words from Isaiah came to me as I laid on my back and watched him soar.
“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will mount up on wings like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not faint.”
Waiting. Hoping in the Lord. Renewing my strength.
That eagle flew high but did not look weary. He barely flapped his wings. I want to be caught up in the wind stream of the Holy Spirit and soar above the heights.
And yet, I wait.
In my mind I’m pacing the floor, checking the window to see if He pulled in. I’m checking my phone to see if He’s texted, and checking Facebook to see if He updated His status. Surly He’ll be here soon and share what’s next for our family.
I feel like Habakkuk. Habakkuk had had it with the wicked prospering and the house of Israel being destroyed little by little. He said, “How long shall I cry for help and you will not hear? Or cry violence and you will not save? The law is paralyzed and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted.”
God answered Habakkuk’s cry and said in summary, “I will address all that in time.”
Then Habakkuk replied, “I will take my stand at my watch post and station myself on the tower and look out to see what He will say to me and what I will answer concerning my complaint.”
Yes, me too Habakkuk!! Looks like we’re both waiting to hear what God has next for us. He’s heard us. Now we wait.
Now catch what God replied to Habakkuk, “Write the vision, make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end – it will not lie. If is seems slow, wait for it, it will surly come, it will not delay.”
In other words, God told Habakkuk to keep on waiting. It will come. I believe it’s the same for me. Wait for Him. Be still, know He is God, and wait in ready anticipation for what He is bringing about.
I’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, is anyone else waiting right now, or have a story about waiting? I’d love to hear about it! Feel free to share in the comments below!
Photo credit: Flickr