It’s not something I thought I struggled with. I’ve seen God move many mountains that were humanly impossible. I’ve seen Him part my own Red Sea. I thought I easily trusted Him, knowing my life is fully in His hands.
I mean we traveled to Kenya this year. All 5 of us. I knew if we were supposed to go, God would provide the money and the time, and He did. My faith felt limitless in the process.
Then we returned home. It was then I began to notice the holes in my faith. Like rinsing blueberries and draining them in a colander, life was being poured into me and the blueberry juice was bleeding all over the counter. My lack of faith left a stain everywhere I went.
I tried to cover it up. I tried scrubbing. Tried placing towels over it. Still there. Finally, through this 31 day challenge the Lord said, “Let’s work on it.”
I realize I like control more than I’ve admitted. I don’t like controlling other people. But I do like to control me and what affects me – for better or worse. I try desperately not to be that person who always wants it her way, but sometimes it happens.
But the fact is, when I’m in control, I’m comfortable. I’m surrounded by soft, cozy, cushions. And I don’t need much faith.
When life is do-able and I’m not in over my head…
When I easily pay for all the groceries we need this month, and even some we want…
I’m not exercising my faith muscles.
But, when I’m crying out to God to show up here…
Because if He doesn’t I will drown…
I will drop the ball….
I will fall…
In these waves crashing over my head moments the tide wants to suck me under and drag me to oblivion, and I’m not in control.
Something within me doesn’t feel all safe and tucked in during those times. I feel more like a cat thrown in the air. My legs sprawled, claws out, eyes wide open, trying to land on my feet and ready to scratch anyone who hinders that. It’s not pretty.
And just like the cat, when I do hit the floor, I lick myself and strut “I meant to do that. I got this. You thought that caught me off guard? No way!”
It doesn’t get along too well with Faith. These two jostle and fight, refusing to mix together.
That’s my spirit. But I’m kicking that cat attitude to the curb and saying, “No, this did catch me off guard! I don’t have this!”
I want Faith to win, to come out on top! Sometimes control is just so strong, mean, persistent and loud.
So, for 31 days I’m going to write about faith. Jesus told us if we have faith as small as a mustard seed, we can move mountains.(Matthew 17:20-21) That’s what mine looks like…a mustard seed of faith and a mountain before me. I hope and pray during these 31 days writing about faith will water this tiny seed and silence the voice of control.
I hope you’ll join me in the journey. I’ll be sharing not just my stories and reflections, but also inviting guests to share their stories too. It’ll be like my own Hall of Faith in hopes that the great cloud of witnesses here will encourage me and you to continue to walk out our faith.
Thanks for joining me!
To see all the posts in this 31 day journey, simply click HERE.
Photo credit of cat
6 thoughts on “What My Mustard Seed of Faith Looks Like”
Joining you in water my mustard seed this month as well. I’m on a cliff, full of the courage to jump in the deeper waters but I’m having to have faith to wait on the Lord. This post alone has watered me.
I’m looking forward to joining you in the journey! 🙂
I am so excited!! I knew the Lord had a hand in our reconnection after all these years! This is feeding my soul. 🙂
Hey Shelly! Yes, so glad we re-connected 🙂 I hope it continues to do so!
CONTROL–yes–is not walking by faith! This was so good and I’m right here with you. Mustard seed and all 🙂
It definitely makes me take a second look when you mention trying to control things for your self. I don’t consider myself controlling but now that you mention it maybe that’s only with other people for me too! Silly to try to keep that control when I should know by now that His way is waaay better than my way.