Every once in a while my husband gets antsy. He comes home early from work…bored. He has that hazy look in his eye that says he’s thought are far away from here. We’ll be in conversation and I have to clap or snap to get his attention.
In these times, we joke, either another baby is on the way, or another business.
Well, this time it happened to me.
Adam looked over at me and said “Talk to me! You look like you just gave birth!”
I can tell you, it felt like giving birth.
I’ve said for months I feel pregnant with ideas about a writing ministry. Over and over I’ve prayed, “Lord, if this is not from you, please take it. You have built me with passion and focus and I’m getting to the point where I either need to lay the whole thing down and walk away or I’ve got to do it!” The Lord has given me His approval, His vision and it is time.
I have given birth to…a writing child.
The 31 day writing challenge started the transition period, Allume sparked the pushing and this quiet time week has cut the cord to this baby. No longer is my writing a thing on the side, providing a way to help me process life. God has breathed His life into it and it has become a living, breathing, real, crying, needs my attention infant of a ministry He has birthed within me, as a result of using this outlet to process my crazy yet beautiful life.
Funny thing is, the other day I thought, I feel like I just had a baby. I’m emotional, crying all the time, sleep deprived, struggling with questions of what if I fail? What if I drop the baby?
My brain is foggy. I need people to talk slowly, give me a minute to process what they just said, because I’m easily overwhelmed. The kids start to get rowdy and I think “SHHH! Don’t wake the baby!”
I’ve even been nesting! Cleaned my house from top to bottom and side to side. My husband looked at me (before I wrote this) and said, “Uh-huh, you know what this means”.
Yes! We’re having a “baby”!
All the nesting was to create more space. This baby needs a room, and this mama needs room to be with the baby, away from the chaos of everyday life. The need to create that space both in my home and in my schedule drove me to move mountains of stuff out of my home. My kids thought I lost my mind!
This baby requires much of my little brain, and then there’s also my 3 other children and the school and the laundry and the dinner to prepare. How will it all work? How do I meet all these needs while dealing with the needs of an infant?
I haven’t forgot infants are high maintenance! The baby needs to be fed every 2 hours, held, rocked and put to sleep. It cries while I’m reading a book to my other two children and when I sit down to eat dinner.
I worry if it’s eating enough or if I burped it correctly.
When people aren’t talking about my baby I wonder what’s wrong.
Can you have colicky writing?
Yet, I hear the Lord reply –
When you had Zach, you didn’t love Caleb and Mackenzie any less. Yes, the first six months are hard, but you’ll get through it and develop your rhythm. All babies require time and attention and I’ve prepared you for this. It is change for your family that I will use for your good. You will need to say no to some things, protect your schedule and give yourself grace just as if you’ve had a baby. Your days will look different, and so will your nights. Babysitting is cheaper though, with this child. But you will need help. You cannot do this alone. You’ll encounter problems where you’ll need to ask around for answers. But in the end, growth will happen. What happened when Zach was born and Caleb and Mackenzie had to share your attention? They learned how to do things on their own. They figured it out. They grew. They will do it again. You will all grow.
Just like getting to know a new family member, I have to spend time with this new writing child so I can understand how it works better.
I don’t know fully what this child’s personality will be like yet, but I am excited and trusting God with the results!
Have you ever started a project that felt like giving birth? I’d love to hear about it –
And don’t forget to share these words with a friend if they encouraged you.
7 thoughts on “Surprise Package”
This is a fascinating analogy – certainly portrays the REAL aspect of this calling, Julie. Well done. Yes, of course, you don’t love your family less! Perhaps having to reduce some of the time for them for writing makes you feel guilty. That may require a period of time to figure out – and there will of course be unexpected interruptions that must be attended to – perhaps sometimes for days. But I think, as you develop this part of who you are you will even have more “Julie” to give and more ways to manifest God’s presence and working and teaching in this unique person He created. Also you will model to your kids the richness and joy and challenges of a dynamic relationship with Jesus. But, things take time, take time, take time. take time. Be sure to give yourself lots of breaks and don’t let roadblocks overwhelm you. Just keep giving it back to Him. After all, it’s His doing.
Thank you for the encouragement, Suellen. Yes, will require time to figure out and keep giving it back to Him 🙂
This post was really thought out and crafted. You took us deep into the analogy and I am eager to hold and rock my own, with less guilt about the time I take to care for this “child” of mine.
Eager to watch as your infant goes from milk to meat, in order to feed and nourish others. Blessings!
Thanks Wendy! I’m glad your stopped by and read. I am eager to watch as well. Blessings to you as you continue to feed and nurture your “child” as well. And prayers for wisdom as you divide your time between it all. We definitely need His grace to fill in all the gaps 🙂
Well done, Julie! Beautifully written– and an honest description of the “pregnant” process. Love to see you released into this writing ministry!
I can’t wait to meet and get to know your baby!