Look at my bean sprouts that I planted on Oct. 1. They are taking off! A couple weeks ago they sprouted above the level of the jar and so I recruited some help from my kiddos and planted them in some real dirt.
The faith inside of me right now, feels the same way.
I’ve shared some hard stuff here. So many days I read other posts from my friends doing this challenge and wished I could be light-hearted or funny like them. Instead, I’ve been writing about some hard challenges the Lord has put me through.
But I feel my faith growing. In fact, l may need to transfer it somewhere that gives it more room to grow.
Last week I talked about homeschooling (I know, it’s either that or Kenya these days) and compared my decision to obey to Jonah’s. I said I hoped this dark, stormy path would turn sunny as I obeyed.
The clouds are parting friends, and I see the sunshine peeking through. I’m feeling more human and less caged. Adrenaline seems to have found its way back to my system, along with joy, peace, laughter and smiles.
So I want to share some of that sunshine joy today instead of the heavy heartaches.
I recently made Zach’s Halloween costume and hosted friends, spontaneously even. I sat on my back porch and drank in the cool, refreshing breeze without it stinging my tears. I talked with my husband without melting, for 3 days, I think!
I’m hungry again – this is the real test for those who know me. I usually love food, but for weeks, it’s just merely been a source of nourishment. I’m craving things again. I’m thinking about the impending holidays and not feeling overwhelmed or saddened by thoughts of what-if-the-house-isn’t-finished.
What if it isn’t? The holidays will still come.
I’ve even prayed for other people – something I haven’t done much. No words would come.
And school. God has given me the gift of seeing glimpses of Him working behind the scenes. Simple things like deep conversations that I wouldn’t get to have if my kids went elsewhere to school.
I see progress in math, joy in writing, and the letting go of things that bug me. It’s all from the Lord. I cannot do these things. I cannot hold the universe of my home in harmony. I depend on Him for that. When it’s not there, I go crazy.
I think He just shows me what life would be like without His grace at times to remind me IT’S ONLY BY MY GRACE.
OK. I get it. IT’S ONLY BY YOUR GRACE I AM SANE! Can we move on now, please?!
All of this reminds me where something as small as a mustard seed of faith comes from. Even the seed itself comes from God, for nothing good lives inside me apart from Him.
You know, I wish it did. I wish I had some goodness of my own that I could just tap into every now and then.
I wish I just needed Jesus to run and give me a big head start like I gave my kids when they were learning to ride their bike. And then I could take it from there.
But it doesn’t work that way. I need Him to start, help me through the boring middle ground and will need Him daily until the day I see Him face to face.
He also reminded me of why I obey.
As important as obedience is, it’s not my obedience that makes me righteous. I am righteous because I have accepted Jesus as my personal Savior. Out of the overflow of my relationship with Jesus, I obey. If I ever get that process backwards and think I am righteous because of what I do and that makes me a good (or bad) child of God, I will wear myself out trying and beat myself up failing.
Growth. It takes faith. It takes work.
But it’s worth it!