Category: Blog

Why Is This So Hard?

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By now you probably get the picture: I wasn’t jacked about home-schooling all of my children again when this school year began. I imagined other families buying school supplies to send with their child, not finding where it goes on the bookshelf. I cried every day for weeks and struggled with “If God really called me to this, shouldn’t I enjoy it a little?”

Then God put Psalm 42 in front of my face:

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

I echo David’s honest emotions and am encouraged that a lament like this is included in God’s Word. God doesn’t get mad at us when we’re sad and downcast, He just wants us to go to Him.

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What If I Don’t Want to Homeschool Again

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So now that the decision has been made, let’s fast forward to that first week of school. I walked into our office and into this conversation…

“Are you so glad to have all your kids back home and be homeschooling again?” my sweet friend asked as I walked in the office.

Immediately I envisioned my other homeschooling friends, the ones with Michelle Duggar’s personality being asked that same question. I imagined them beaming with pride and saying something like, “Oh yes! We just love to be together. I was made for homeschooling!”

But for me, I frantically searched my brain for words to describe how I felt about the situation, and finally decided on, “Ummm…well…YES.” It was more of a declaration of what I hope for than reality, but hey, you have to start somewhere.

Read the rest of this story over at East Texas Moms Blog.

This post is apart of a series called 31 stories of hope for every homeschooler. To see the entire series, click HERE.

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What’s Better Than Good Marketing?

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Everywhere I turn commercials and advertisements promise a fulfilled life with the purchase of their product. This message follows me to the Brookshires check-out stand, stares at me as I wait in the dentist office, and even sneaks in at Pizza Hut when I need an easy family meal out.

If I shop this weekend at Kohls’s, I’ll find the perfect outfit to wear to next week’s event. If I buy my bedroom furniture from the local outlet, my sex life will heat up. If I use this discount code I could buy my son the newest iPad and will never hear him say that dreaded phrase, “Mommy, I’m bored” again. Retailers think they can solve all my problems.

Homeschooling is no different.

“Buy this curriculum and your daughter’s reading level will surge three grade levels overnight.”

“Buy this math program and never worry about college.”

“Purchase these additional science project materials and you will be the best home-school mom ever!” (OK, maybe my kids say that one)

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Why I’m Coming Back to Homeschooling

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I want to start off today by saying thank you for reading about my journey through grief that I shared last week. When I decided to write every day in October, I wasn’t planning on sharing all of that. But as I sat behind the computer, that is what the Lord put on my heart. So now you know more of what it means when I say “life turned upside down for me.” Let’s get back to the home-school journey, shall we?

By spring break, I began praying about next school. It’ just a habit of mine. That’s always the time I begin preparing for the next school year, so it just happened naturally.

I was praying about whether this public school thing was a new season for us or if this semester was just a time to let the dust settle and we would return to home-schooling again next year.

We decided to go on our first family ski trip over spring break, which felt so official since the kids were in school. When you home-school, you can take spring break any week or month March through May, but this year this was the week!

I had already made up the school decision in my head, but on the drive to New Mexico I realized I hadn’t exactly poured over it in prayer.

I was impressed with how things were going in public school. I was able to have some segments to life and not just have everything mixing with everything else all the time. I had healthy boundaries, space to myself and the ability to go to lunch with my husband if I wanted to. Plus the kids were learning!

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Where My Hope Rests

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Psalm 62:1-8

“My soul finds rest in God alone,

my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

How long will you assault a man?

Would all of you throw Him down –

this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place;

they take delight in lies.

With their mouths they bless,

but in their hearts they curse.

Find rest, O my soul in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in Him at all time,

O people; pour out your hearts to Him,

for God is our refuge.”

David said that God is his fortress. When do you need a fortress? You need a fortress during war – when you’re afraid because the enemy is attacking you. A fortress is a safe place. David states that God is that place for Him.

I love how in verse one, David declares rest in God alone and then in verse 5 he reminds himself of this truth. He says, “I will never be shaken – though war break out.” This fortress that he’s entrusting himself to, won’t even shake when the bombs are bursting all around him. His hope is in God.

What’s going on in your life that’s troubling you? Does it seem like war has broke out around you? Pour out your heart to the Lord. He can handle all of it. Tell Him your doubts, aches, fears, frustrations, confusions and in that process your relationship with God is strengthened. He becomes your most trusted friend and advisor – your refuge, your hope, your fortress.

This post is apart of a series called 31 stories of hope for every homeschooler. To see the entire series, click HERE.

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Songs of Hope

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Today I want to share with you two songs that have meant a lot to me this year. The first I mentioned 2 days ago in The High Tide of Grief . It’s Danny Gokey’s song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. I was going to re-tell you the story behind this song, but I can’t do it nearly as powerful as Danny did on this interview. Please click over to this site and hear the story for yourself and then hear the song live. He says, “I want you to begin to hope again. God wants you to believe again. He wants you to trust Him…” Don’t miss this story!

http://http://www.air1.com/music/news/2016/03/02/danny-gokey-tell-your-heart-to-beat-again-behind-the-music.aspx

As if that wasn’t enough, I want to share one more song with you. This one is by Steven Curtis Chapman and it’s called Something Beautiful. In his behind the music story, he shares how he believes “God will take the most broken things, the ugliest to look at right now…and those will be the places where the greatest beauty and glory will come from . It’s the paradox of in our weakness He is strong. ” So here is the song –

Grace has just begun my friend!

This post is apart of a series called 31 stories of hope for every homeschooler. To see the entire series, click HERE.

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Lessons From My Favorite Artist

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Growing up I did a lot of projects. My parents, grandparents and even my Aunt made things we called miniatures. They were just little wooden replicas of some of our favorite American nick-nacks like bluebell ice cream, old fashion school desks, pencil holders, stumps with a tiny hatchet through the middle with the words gone hunting glued across it.

My family was always painting one of these little jewels for a wholesaler who would then sell them to stores like Hobby Lobby or Michael’s. Wax paper would be laid out in sheets across every table in the house with 12 dozen “pencils” drying before being glued to their “holder”.

So I would often set up my own desk and make my own miniatures with whatever paint and supplies I had.

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The High Tide of Grief

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Grief.

I’ve tried to pinpoint the triggers. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. My mind wanders into open doorways of memories way too easily. It seems to come over me in waves like a high tide. If I’m observant, there are signs the water is rising, but there comes a moment when the waves crash over me, and I’m pulled into an underwater current going farther and farther from the surface.

I can’t breathe.

Even in the middle of the day, my world is gray, my movements slow, the sounds around me muttered, and my brain disengaged.

The days of extreme grief strung together for weeks at a time. I wondered if I’d ever come up for air again. I longed to see the land and shed my water logged clothing for sanity and stability. I longed to see the sun and run on the sand, holding hands with my kids.

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What I Miss Most

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While Papa was settling in at the assisted living place, my mom and I were left with the question of what to do with his house, and all the things in his house.

My parents moved to Arkansas right after Caleb, my oldest was born. My mom says it’s my fault… I got married and moved out of the house at 18, leaving my parents early empty-nesters.

To combat the empty void, my mom decided to pursue her doctorate degree at North Texas. I’m pretty sure she also re-modeled her bathroom, redecorated and painted a few rooms all in one summer too!

So 4 years later, Ph.D in hand, she’s ready to teach at a University but there was not a position for her in Tyler or Dallas. She began putting out resumes right as my pregnancy test turned positive. At the time I hated to tell her to stay, because we didn’t have deep roots in East Texas yet. Adam and I both grew up there but we didn’t have jobs that we wanted to be at for the rest of our life. We had thought of moving too. I thought it’d be our luck, that I would convince my parents to stay close and then we’d be the ones moving. For all we knew, we might join them in Arkansas.

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What if I Want to Die?

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My whole childhood is filled with memories of Papa taking care of other people.  If someone wanted a custom table or cabinet built, they called my Papa. If their washing machine was overflowing or weed eater stopped working, they called my Papa. If someone needed a partner in a tennis match or a ride into town, he was the man. He could do, fix or make anything. 

Here are some examples just in my house.

When he landed in the hospital a year ago, he doted on every nurse that came in. “Is there anything I can do for you?” he would ask.

He was amazed at how they came in hourly to check on him and help him get comfortable. (Those of us staying with him weren’t that gracious with all the interruptions, however!) He insisted they didn’t need to keep checking on him. He was fine.

Right, because you go the hospital and get 6 units of blood when you’re fine, I thought.

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