Dear Homeschooling,

I left you today. This arrangement just isn’t working out. You are loud and constant and I feel I am unable to handle the stress and responsibility of you.

I went to play a math game with my daughter and it drove me to tears. Why? Because I feel like a failure. She isn’t where she’s technically supposed to be.

I went to a website that everyone’s raving about, clicked on her grade and our math book is no where near those problems. Which makes me think I’m failing at you.

Unable to defend myself against the onslaught of despair I fled to my bedroom and cried into an innocent shirt draped over the cushion of my couch. I let it all out and that’s when I left you. Again.

Continue reading →

“Mom what’s wrong?”

“Mom, what’s the matter?”

I must have heard that question from each of my kids atleast three times a piece during our morning school time.

“Nothing,” I continually replied, not trying to lie, but not knowing how to put my feelings into words.

All I knew was, I was cracking…again. Tears were welling up, about to break, but I desperately tried to hold it together. Obviously, I was doing a terrible job.

I don’t know why I was about to lose it. It just felt like the amount of school work kept building and my supply of energy to fulfill that school work was waning in the opposite direction.

My stomach was in a knot and my thoughts were saying, honestly, I hate homeschooling right now!

Continue reading →

“Mom!” my kids said in unison. “Look to your left and roll down your window!”

I had just pulled into the parking lot of my daughter’s gymnastics class and lo and behold a friend I hadn’t seen in a while pulled up beside me.

We laughed and hugged, oohed and aahed over how big the kids are growing before we moseyed our way inside.

Just as I was opening the door, another friend pulled up and we repeated the process, discussing who all is in gymnastics and how they’re doing. We had taken a break when the world turned upside down but we were glad to be back.

Continue reading →

Well, it’s Day 24 of me writing everyday! Are you tired of hearing from me? Wait…don’t answer that, I’d rather assume you’re loving it! 🙂

Today as I write is Friday. I’m tired. I keep trying to muster up more energy, thinking my want to will finally get the idea and kick in. But it’s 2:30 now and that hasn’t happened yet.

Earlier I tried to lay down on the couch and rest, but I was interrupted three times within a 30 minute period by my daughter who sounded like a caterpillar with elephant feet doing cartwheels across the hardwood floor.

Why am I home-schooling again Lord? I have been so grumpy today. I’m sure teachers are never grumpy. Wouldn’t it be better for my kids to be with them? Then I would have time to rest and be happy when they get home.

OK, I know teachers get grumpy too – it’s kinda a part of life! But some days, like today, I’m tired and need a break from being mom! This mom thing is hard. It’s everyday…when I’m in a good mood and when I’m not. Some days are incredible and some days are totally exhausting.

Continue reading →

As I drove home from dropping my oldest son off at youth group, I used the quiet time to pray for God to show me how to home-school my daughter. This girl is our bouncy, talkative, middle child who cannot stop doing cartwheels or singing. She’s picked out her own clothes to wear since she was 3, and consistently converses with the cashiers at Walmart.

She is the cutest ladybug in the world to me and has a heart of gold and a bed of blankets for any lost puppy on the block. She thinks outside of the box, beyond the horizon and often in Odyssey, thanks to Focus on the Family.

The trouble with this kind of thinking is it’s too big to fit in a classroom or on a math page. She sees pictures instead of the letters that make up words, so phonics was horrendous. Memorizing math facts doesn’t stick unless there’s movement involved and reading a science book filled with “amazing facts” might as well be in Latin.

I’m excited to be sharing the rest of today’s story over at the Classical Conversations website!

Continue reading →

By now you probably get the picture: I wasn’t jacked about home-schooling all of my children again when this school year began. I imagined other families buying school supplies to send with their child, not finding where it goes on the bookshelf. I cried every day for weeks and struggled with “If God really called me to this, shouldn’t I enjoy it a little?”

Then God put Psalm 42 in front of my face:

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

I echo David’s honest emotions and am encouraged that a lament like this is included in God’s Word. God doesn’t get mad at us when we’re sad and downcast, He just wants us to go to Him.

Continue reading →

So now that the decision has been made, let’s fast forward to that first week of school. I walked into our office and into this conversation…

“Are you so glad to have all your kids back home and be homeschooling again?” my sweet friend asked as I walked in the office.

Immediately I envisioned my other homeschooling friends, the ones with Michelle Duggar’s personality being asked that same question. I imagined them beaming with pride and saying something like, “Oh yes! We just love to be together. I was made for homeschooling!”

But for me, I frantically searched my brain for words to describe how I felt about the situation, and finally decided on, “Ummm…well…YES.” It was more of a declaration of what I hope for than reality, but hey, you have to start somewhere.

Read the rest of this story over at East Texas Moms Blog.

This post is apart of a series called 31 stories of hope for every homeschooler. To see the entire series, click HERE.

Everywhere I turn commercials and advertisements promise a fulfilled life with the purchase of their product. This message follows me to the Brookshires check-out stand, stares at me as I wait in the dentist office, and even sneaks in at Pizza Hut when I need an easy family meal out.

If I shop this weekend at Kohls’s, I’ll find the perfect outfit to wear to next week’s event. If I buy my bedroom furniture from the local outlet, my sex life will heat up. If I use this discount code I could buy my son the newest iPad and will never hear him say that dreaded phrase, “Mommy, I’m bored” again. Retailers think they can solve all my problems.

Homeschooling is no different.

“Buy this curriculum and your daughter’s reading level will surge three grade levels overnight.”

“Buy this math program and never worry about college.”

“Purchase these additional science project materials and you will be the best home-school mom ever!” (OK, maybe my kids say that one)

Continue reading →